Brad Meehan

Asked Connor to list some things he loved. "Mom & Dad" came in right after Nintendo DS, bean bag, and BBQ sauce. In all fairness, it is good BBQ sauce.

Great. My daughter now knows what a 'period' is. "It's the thing mommy gets on holidays, anniversaries, and vacations"

Magically every 28 days, Snack Fairies appear and fill our cupboards. PMS: Purchase More Snacks

I hate cats but I love cat naps.

I love award shows. I wish I could play orchestra music whenever I wanted someone to stop talking.

I've eaten so much junk food lately if I cut my finger queso would come out.

Watching a transgendered couple assemble a crib on Discovery Health. She might have changed her gender but you can't change the fact that 's/he' just hammered with a shoe.

I'm going to send the kids to their rooms today - as punishment for anything they might have gotten away with.

Hard to believe a few people my age are already grandparents! Can't imagine being called 'grandpa'. There are days when I don't even want to be called 'dad'.

Nothing like coming home to 3 screaming kids. It's days like these when I wish Maury Povich would pop out if the closet with the DNA test results. "You are NOT the baby daddy."

Daughter asked me if girls at my school wore Poodle Skirts. Yeah. Right after corsets and powdered-wigs went out of style.

My 10 year-old daughter asked me what a 'virgin' was. I showed her my senior picture. She said, "I thought that was a 'homo'?"

When it comes to eating habits, there's a thin line between 'pregnant woman' and 'stoner'

I got into an argument with my son on whether or not there was a prayer called, "Hail Mary full of grapes".  My wife had to break out a bible to settle the score. I lost.