Jokes

David Letterman Top Ten submission #1

My David Letterman Top Ten submission was #1 this week!

 

Top Ten Other Unnecessary Changes To The Academy Awards


1.  Kanye West will announce who should have won

 

 

Letterman Top Ten List

Eight Lives Too Many

All dogs go to Heaven. All cats go back to Hell.

 

Did your dad help you with that?

If Jesus was in your science class he would make a kick-ass volcano.

Office Assistant

 

The Office Assistant on my computer is definately female. It only reminds me of things I did in the past.

 

"Remember that time you  .......?"

Breakfast is the most important meal

I think a funny syrup would be "Mrs. Butterface" - (everything's good "but her face"), with a smoking-hot body. Men would eat more pancakes.

Jean Pool

I've learned that when women buy something they don't want you to know about, they act as if they've had it and you're the idiot for not noticing sooner. My wife can be standing in an outfit she got yesterday and I'll ask, "When did you get those jeans?"

"Bradley, I've had these forever."

"Forever? Really? You'd think if you had them that long they'd say 'Jordache', or 'Sassoon', or....'size 2'"

 

Michael Phelps

I keep seeing Michael Phelps listening to his iPod. I wonder what song he listens to that makes his swim so fast? Probably the theme from "Jaws".